My emotions are riding me It’s a roller coaster that has no end in sight It’s a drop zone that brings me on a high just to drop me again And again And again And again My emotions are riding me And I hide
Because this darkness within me is not something I want you to see It’s not something I want you to deal with Every time, I keep it real with myself I know at the end of the day, all I have is myself All I have is myself to lean on People leave, I’m used to that People turn their back on me, I know that People have their own mess to clean up before they can clean up mine
And I just keep sweeping my shit under the rug Over and over again Praying that one day, The universe stops sending all the dust bunnies my way I am tired I am so tired I don’t know if I can fight much longer It hurts It hurts to wake up every morning It hurts to go to work It hurts when I have to face family with a smile It hurts when I have to keep pretending I’m ok I am not fine How the hell am I supposed to be fine When I am carrying so much burdens on my back? I have three jobs No bed to sleep on I’m not going to a cellphone service in a week I have no place that I can really call home I pick fights with my boyfriend to entertain my darkness I owe tuition I may not go to school in the fall I can’t see my brothers My father is under a spell My mother hates my guts I have no real friends So I sit here writing In the management of my grief Waiting for relief And scared Scared that there’s no relief in sight Scared because it feels like there’s nothing to live for Scared So scared And alone Managing my griefs
Waiting Waiting for the missed calls Waiting for the missed text messages Waiting But they never come And up to now I still don’t know what we’re fighting about I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM I DON’T KNOW WHO I WAS BEFORE I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM NOW
